The results of my 30 Days without Facebook experiment and how it changed me.

I went without Facebook for 30 days and I think I found the meaning to life. I know it’s a bold claim but that’s how interesting I found the experience. I’m back on Facebook now, but use it very differently. Very differently indeed.

But this post isn’t about facebook. It’s about something far weirder. So hold on to your hats, this is going to go into the realm of the twilight zone.

For every day of September 2014, I lived by 5 simple rules (or guidelines you might say) as part of a special project for the next book I'm writing and they were: (BTW this is certainly not the weirdest part yet)

1. Watch where I place my attention, keep my energy and thoughts within myself. This is where facebook comes in as it was drawing a lot of my attention and making me cranky and a host of other negative emotions, so I ditched it.
2. Do more of what feels right and be neutral about things you don’t like doing. So instead of whinging about spraying the weeds, I just got on with it and then focussed my energy on doing things I really enjoyed, things that made my soul shine and my heart sing.
3. Trust everything will be fine. I worry a lot, however I’ve experienced in the past that, when I do trust things will turn out ok and then let go of the mental worry everything does turns out fine or even better than I expected. So I need to do that more.
4. Recognise different types of fear. I am a little timid creature and have all sort of fears and anxieties, but what I was being asked to do was identify whether the fear I felt was justified or could it be easily overcome? Was my fear holding me back from doing what I wanted to do?
5. Notice subtle signs of connection, synchronicity and feelings in the body. I get the feeling that my body is a signal post for some subtle messages and I need to listen to it. Synchronicity was something I had to keep looking out for too as it indicted I was on the right path, whatever it was.

So they were the 5 tenants that I lived by for 30 days. But what may you ask happened that prompted me to make such a drastic course of action and even more so what was the outcome? Did I become Mother Teresa or some new age guru? You’ll see in a just a few paragraphs.

Now we get to the delicious weird stuff. It all started with a simple question, more like a question that would start a search. After finishing writing Dying to Know – is there life after death, I got the sense that there was some sort of guidance hovering around me, gently trying to communicate. Being a curious person and wanting to go deeper down the rabbit hole that is the afterlife mystery, I tried to communicate back to this guidance and asked what was the best way to do it.

I have a long history of not trusting my instincts and intuition, but it was after I read about 26 pages of mediation notes I’d taken, I was left in no doubt that someone or something was trying to communicate something to me or through me. There was shit there that I couldn’t have made up even if I tried. And it was how some of what they said made me feel that was the kicker. I was moved to tears by some it and at times I felt a deep connection to what it was saying. It made way more sense that what you’d see on TV or in movies. It resonated deep in my bones.

Was I channelling my higher self or some higher authority? I don’t know, I feel that’s not the point though, it’s what the message contained that was important. From the notes I’d taken and with my question in mind about deepening the connection, I extracted those 5 key tenants and decided to put them to the test.

I’ve put the results in a question and answer scenario as I felt it was the right way to get the message across.

How do I feel after 30 days of the experiment?

At times I feel I’ve forgotten about it altogether. Then other times I’ve been vigilantly holding on to the process for dear life in case I forget and get in trouble. Sounds silly, but at times that’s what I felt. Overall though I feel this has brought changes on the inside, people watching me may not have noticed any difference, but how I think and how I feel has slightly changed.

Spaciousness.

With the aim to drop some of the swirling negative thoughts that often cause me so much anxiety, I feel that grounding myself constantly, and feeling my feet does help create a spaciousness in my mind that I didn’t have before. Initially I felt I was gripping on to the grounding as a way of avoiding the thoughts, however I soon realised I could be more relaxed about it. Now I can gently remind myself that I’m babbling away to myself, drop my attention to the feet and my body and notice a comfortable letting go. It’s a spaciousness that is quite delightful and full of a deep connection to the earth and to my physical self.

Am I alone?

I can almost definitely say that no. There is something going on that I can’t exactly explain. I can feel / sense some sort of guidance whether that is in the form of feelings and sensations, writing down information that feels different that my own voice and there’s also synchronicity. I’ve resisted the urge to label who is delivering the information because I feel that’s not the point. Does the information make sense, does it resonate deeply and does it seem worthwhile to follow? If I connect with all that, then I know it’s genuine. Obviously I’m not getting messages like ‘Kill Joan, Kill Joan’, because that wouldn’t feel right or resonate with me and Joan wouldn’t like it either.

Am I happier?

It’s not about being happier, it’s opening up to something that’s really exciting. It’s living with your eyes wide open and your heart open as well. Every moment has the potential for adventure and understanding. It’s also when I act on guidance, and I drop my thoughts and maybe take my shoes off and feel the grass I feel deeply connected to the earth. There’s a peaceful silence that just makes sense. When I compare that feeling to the craziness of what goes on in my mind, I’d prefer to feel the grass!

Is this a religious experience?

No, for me there was nothing religious about it, it was just an experience. Some people may label it religious however I just call it opening up and acknowledging something bigger than my scared little self. The less I try and label any aspect of it, the richer and more fruitful the journey will be.

What about Facebook / social Media?

I noticed that facebook had become a habit and a negative one at that. This is only in relation to me though; I’m not speaking for everyone. I would feel myself drawn to check it all day long and used it as a distraction and also when I was bored. I found that without it, I was much happier, more focussed on what was happening in my immediate surroundings, less stressed and uptight and I had more time for creative pursuits. Being away from it has made me realised that life goes on without it and it don’t need to seek my identity through it. I’ll use it again, but do it very differently.

Is that it?

No, this is the start of an ongoing process and I have to trust where it’s going. I have the tools to be mindful, grounded and keep my energy up and will use them to help me discover new aspects of myself. When I keep focused on doing what I enjoy and being neutral about what I don’t then that keeps me focussed on what I want. The universe will the respond in kind.

Have it learned to let go?

Again it’s a process. I have moments where everything has fallen apart and I’ve wallowed in self pity but I think that’s part of process and they key is not to get caught up in it too much. The idea of completely letting go and trusting in something (even though I may not know what it is) excites me.

Less fear more adventure.

I feel an edging towards a sense of being able to notice my fears then feeling confident enough to move beyond them, However it’s wilding interesting to know that I have a fear of such things as success, popularity and achievement.

However all I need to do is bring people along on my journey as I’m not out to be claiming to be an expert only an explorer and we all can explore together. I’m willing to put in all the hard yards of self exploration so it paves the way for other people to do their own exploring.

I wonder if other people have had similar experiences or similar connections? I'd be interested to hear your stories. You can email me at josh @ frogandthewell.com

Clive James

One of my favourite ex pat Australians, Clive James, is dying and may not last til Christmas. His only wish is to hang around long enough to see the leaves turn red on the Japanese Maple Tree his daughter gave him.

From a man that live a large life, it's the admiration of the effortlessness and beauty of nature that inspires him.


The Japanese Maple
- Clive James

Your death, near now, is of an easy sort.
So slow a fading out brings no real pain.
Breath growing short
Is just uncomfortable.
You feel the drain
Of energy, but thought and sight remain:
Enhanced, in fact. When did you ever see
So much sweet beauty as when fine rain falls
On that small tree
And saturates your brick back garden walls,
So many Amber Rooms and mirror halls?
Ever more lavish as the dusk descends
This glistening illuminates the air.
It never ends.
Whenever the rain comes it will be there,
Beyond my time, but now I take my share.
My daughter’s choice, the maple tree is new.
Come autumn and its leaves will turn to flame.
What I must do
Is live to see that. That will end the game
For me, though life continues all the same:
Filling the double doors to bathe my eyes,
A final flood of colors will live on
As my mind dies,
Burned by my vision of a world that shone
So brightly at the last, and then was gone.


Japanese Maple - By Clive James

Half way through.

Half way through – day 15.

I don’t feel any different except for a bigger sense of curiosity and strong desire to wear a Kaftan. There is definitely something happening, but I feel it’s more subtle than I first thought.

People who I regularly have contact with wouldn’t notice any change, but I feel there’s a subtle shift on the inside and at times it leaks out. I was thinking this experiment would make me happier or somehow a better person, but I feel it’s taking me on a deeper journey. A journey into myself where I’m discovering things I never know about myself and the workings of the universe.

The first week I spent on a buzzing high, the second I crashed and burned full of doubt, frustration and anger and now this week its shaping up to be completely different. There’s a sense of  ‘ok, what’s going to happen next?’ Mild anticipation. But I’m trying to stay within myself and keep the mind chatter to a dull roar and focus on what I want to do and be neutral about the stuff if don’t.

I’ve just had an invitation to present at Paracon 2015.  Yes!

It's spring and the garden is blooming with flowers of all kinds, marvellous scents and there's a joyness in the air that almost brings me to tears. I'm revelling in the simple pleasures.

I feel less inclined to describe things and more like just sitting with them if you know what I mean. (or it could mean that I still feel half asleep!)

I'll share more with you soon.

Video Update Experiment in Trust week 1.

Day 7 - the mirrors.

After 7 days of this practice, I feel lighter, more willing to let go of my opinions and allow things to just unfold. Without so many distractions I feel grounded and calmer.  My mind and attention aren't being pulled in all directions.

I’m noticing lots of subtle synchronicity here and there, stuff I pick up or that Andy has noticed. There are threads and connections to show that there’s a bigger story at play here or subplot. I need to look deeper into what the subtle messages are saying. Information from meditations is being reflected in what I see around me and so on.

For example I got the impression to ‘look in the mirror’ during my Friday meditation and subsequently these events occurred.

·        The last line in a chapter of book I read that afternoon, ‘You are the only one to help yourself, always remember to look in the mirror”.

·        I randomly played Goyte’s album “Making Mirrors” the same day.

·        During my Saturday mediation, I was inspired to use a mirror after I asked the question “what’s the most important question I could ask?’ The reply was ‘Who am i?”

·        The movie that we watched on Saturday night was Divergent, where the main character uses mirrors / her reflection to determined what was real or not including herself and her reality.

I’ve also had an amazing Lucid Dream where I connected with Clare (the focus of my search in Dying to Know) and she described her experience of the afterlife as an ‘extended winter’.  

But there’s another aspect that I’m a little unnerved about. It’s the potential that I can ask whatever question I want and receive an answer and that strangely scares me. On Tuesday I asked in mediation “What does letting go look like?” and I had two very clear answers come as examples later that day.

Would it scare you to know that you can get the answer to whatever question you asked? I mean what would you ask?

Day 3

It’s still early days (Day 3) , but without Facebook / Twitter etc, I find that I’m a little bit happier and have more time on my hands, but I’m definitely not bored. I feel more ‘here’. I’m not racing off to Facebook to get angry at someone and judge their idiocy (or another stupid ALS Water torture challenge)

When Andy and I got home from work last night, we grabbed a beer and walked around the garden looking at the new flowers that had come out and what plants were popping up. It was slow, it was beautiful, and it was just what I was looking for. A spaciousness to the end of the day.

Today and for the next few days, I’m living in the phrase “I don’t know”. This is not to say I’m going to act like a complete thicko, but to allow a sense of openness and questioning to the day and whatever situation I’m in. Usually I know what outcome I want and when I don’t get it I can stamp my foot like a spoilt 4 year old girl and throw an inner tantrum. However I’m going to try and  be open and so I can allow some more creative inspiration to come through and provide different solutions and ideas that my feeble brain could never come up with. As soon as I say ‘I know what it is”, I shut down any line of mystical creative input that could show me there is another way of doing something.

There is so much more to our lives than what were lead to believe.

I don't know

I've discovered that it's OK to say 'I don't know'. It's where I do my best work.

An Adventure in Uncertainty

  

I want to see if I can find the portal to my inner world and thus find the connection to the afterlife. After reviewing pages of notes I took in meditations it seems I’ve been given the answer by some strange ‘voice’. I now want to see if it’s true.

Warning: This is experiment is not for everyone.

Here’s a description of what I'll be undertaking.

No Facebook,  Twitter (never understood that one anyway) and maybe just a bit of Pinterest (to get my fix of architecture porn) is all I’ll be allowing myself in September. (I'll be scheduling Frog and the Well Posts with throwback Thursday cartoons)

Also I’ll be taking in as little News as possible, hopefully no gossiping, idle mindless chit chat and bullshit as I aim to be mindful of my thoughts and where I direct my attention.

Bring my energy back inside myself, notice my thoughts and see if they serve me well.

Do my thoughts and activities nourish me?

I am also going to let go of my need to control situations and trust that the guidance is there and is looking out for me.

“It’s easy to get so distracted, and when you do, you emotionally react to things that maintain that distraction and cause energy build up in the body.”

I will be neutral about things I have to do, but would normally complain about and rejoice in the things I love doing. I will make more time to do what fills me with joy and happiness.

So this is just some of the advice I got out of the mediations that I will be putting into practice to see if it’s any good or not. Yes I’m trusting the advice of unseen voices in my head (more like my heart), but these voices seem to make way more sense than anything I see and hear out there in physical world.

This is not about going without or abstinence, it’s about where I place attention and focus, where my energy flows.

I may come out mad or mad at the world, I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted on this blog.

An Experiment in Trust.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain.

It was October of 1999 and I had decided to work late to clear a backlog of radio scripts that I needed to write. I was in my mid 20’s and very disillusioned with life, especially with my job and at a loss as what to do or where to go. I felt trapped.

Strangely though, between banging out scripts, I felt compelled to bring up a blank word doc and type a simple question at the top of the page. Even stranger, I instantly typed a message back.

Am I running away?

Yes

From what?

Yourself.

And on and on this conversation went, with a question followed by an answer for three pages.

The next day I submitted my resignation letter, downsized my life, rented a backroom at a friend’s house and started my first business, Outside Creative. It’s now been going for 14 years.

I don’t know who or what I was conversing with on my computer that night, but I encountered the same voice (so to speak), when I was writing Dying to Know – is there life after death, during the meditation sessions at the Monroe Institute Gateway Voyage Programme. There was a familiarity, a sense of closeness that brought tears to my eyes (I’m not a big crier, so it was a big thing for me), it almost felt that he was a kinder, wiser version of myself.

Those two experiences left an indelible mark.

I dipped in and out of different periods of daily mediation over the following years in order to try and reconnect with this other aspect. I felt like Indiana Jones in the search of some elusive wise monk hiding in some remote Himalayan mountain cave; however I had come up against a major stumbling block. I didn't trust myself or what I was experiencing, so I put aside the notes I took, discounting the information as untrustworthy thinking that I had I made it all up.

However months later, something still niggled away  so I spent a cold Saturday morning collating all the notes (about 26 pages worth) and read them with fresh eyes and I couldn't believe what I had written. Actually I should say what someone else had written.

And that freaked me out a little. Sure I’m widely read on the topic of the afterlife, but what I was reading sounded completely different to what I would write or think about. However it all made sense, perfect sense, I felt it was right. Often when I was writing up notes and observations from the mediation, the writing would switch from first person to third person and the tone and language would change. I was receiving advice for living a good and rich life, tips for overcoming stress and depression and most poignant of all, repeated messages that I wasn't alone.

But did any of these messages hold any water? Could I apply these to my life and be any happier or at best be a better person than I am now? Will I feel closer to finding that connection to afterlife that I so desperately wanted to feel?

I decided I’m going to find out. For 30 days (all of September), I’m going to live by the advice that this wise aspect of myself had given and document the whole experience. It’ll also make an extraordinary section in the follow up to Dying to Know: is there life after death.

I know this is starting to sound pretty freaky and weird to most people but I've had enough experiences in my life to know that the world is much stranger and far more interesting than what we’re lead to believe. I can’t just sit here and do nothing with this information; I need to put it to the test.

But what were some of the messages? I’ll make that my next blog post, but in the meantime they all boil down to one simple core tenant; trust and let go.

And that’s what I hope to be doing. 

BTW - that's Yves Klein making his famous leap.